“Ocean”
I did not expect starseed recognition,
for the constellations in her eyes
to chart your way home.
I did not expect her artist fingers
to paint coincidence as serendipity,
or sculpt moments into such miracles
it seemed God must be at the wheel
steering me from my place
as the center of your world.
I did not expect you to find
the skeleton key to your soul
dangling from her collarbone.
To find your native language
dancing on her tongue,
your future in her daydreams,
and your wishes in every tooth
placed under her pillow.
Aren’t you just SO aligned?
I did not expect her to be your muse,
the Beatrice to your Dante
in the tome I thought was ours.
I did not expect the deluge of texts.
For her words to tuck you in at night
and be your sunrise every morning,
no bank robber has ever held
a hostage like her three dots blinking
on your screen.
I did not expect to watch a movie
of our love story beginnings,
but find her standing in my place
with a script meant for my lips.
There is something so humbling
about losing the lead in your own show.
I did not expect the coldness in your
voice to fill my lungs with ice,
turning my breath to crystal daggers,
freezing discordance in my throat.
I did not expect for you to pull
my anchor from your sands,
to let me capsize as I felt
your tidal waves of emotion
roll through me to her shores.
I did not expect to become yesterday’s paper
or last night’s moon
invisible in the light of a new day.
I did not expect so violently
wanting to escape. How I’d
scream at the sky or want to
bury myself in the ground,
nails caked with dirt from
scratching your name out of my existence.
I did not expect for my protector
to become my greatest danger.
No warning signs were posted
to signal the expiration date
of every promise you ever made.
I did not expect to sit beside you
in solitary confinement,
your absent attention thicker
than any concrete wall.
I did not expect to be lost
with no compass or flint,
with no starlight or path
in a wilderness I’ve never tasted
in a country I’ve never known.
I did not expect you’d be so willing
all Cupid needed was a spitball
to shoot you up so high
you could not help but fall in love.
I did not expect I’d end up spending
every minute of the day
trying to decide:
Do I go or do I stay?
Do I hate or do I love?
Do I lock or do I open?
Do I burn or do I rise?
Do I drown
Or do I become the ocean?
I become the ocean.
I become the ocean.
