(NOTE: Inspired by a journal about past events, does NOT reflect the present.)
I have been counting down the days till this anniversary since our last one, we both have been. Ten more months, 9 more months, 5 more months, 8 weeks, 7 weeks, 6 weeks, then Girl showed up and what was the point of all that counting?
I am so over it.
It is time to return to me.
Get my life together, pour my love into the children, take care of the home.
Build my projects, get my creations off the ground.
Take care of my body.
You can keep orbiting her like she is the only planet in the whole galaxy and you are her moon, you can keep texting her, visiting with her, talking about her, but I am done. I am done being caught in your gravity. I need to live.
It is all changed now, our relationship. It is changed, so much has been lost, and I do not know what to make of it. I do not know what to make of our plans for the future when you are so easily swayed. I do not know what to do when you are my biggest source of pain. I do not know what to do when you say you might just be incapable of monogamy and that is the end of it.
But it does not matter, because I have me.
I have me, the children have me, and if that is all we have then so be it. If you are half checked out, then so be it. I have my period one week early, I am so sick, I am afraid of running out of money, I am afraid of being alone. But I do not need to be afraid. The Universe has my back and I now know what I have not known before.
I can live without you.
