(NOTE: Written about an experience in the past, does NOT reflect the present.)
Girlfriend and I are queer and weird. People raise eyebrows, and sometimes voices, at many of our choices:
“You don’t have normal jobs?!!”
“You raise your kids how?!!”
“You don’t watch the news or vote?!!”
“You don’t eat meat? Or CHEESE?!!”
“You don’t have a living room?!!”
That is not even the weird stuff, people. That is the surface stuff.
Since we were already existing outside of society’s boxes, and perpetually seeking greater freedom, we thought what if… What if we also “crossed the line” with our relationship? What if we were, gasp, non-monogamous?
Could we step beyond traditional relationships? Could our love be so deep and so strong we could relinquish ownership and share each other with other people? Could we be so expansive in our connection that we live beyond the bounds of what is “proper?” Could we find peace in this thing purported to be horrible, shameful, unacceptable, reviled?
It sounds open-minded and grand. But really, I think we were bored and going a bit stir-crazy. I think we wanted to shake things up. I think our relationship had a lot of weak points, but instead of healing them it seemed easier and more exciting to distract ourselves. So we began to throw out hypotheticals like:
“What if we had crushes on other people, is that okay?”
“What if I made out with some hot chick at a club, is that okay?”
“What if we went on dates with other people, is that okay?”
“What if Danielle Haim met me, was totally into me, and wanted to take me away for the weekend on her private jet, is that okay?”
“What if Chef Melissa was at a party and held mistletoe above my head and we made out in the hall then became best friends, is that okay?”
Easy things to say lying together in bed, completely safe and sheltered. All hypothetical, all up in the air, all curiosity and nothing in place. No boundaries created, and no agreements formed other than “I suppose we could try it someday, I suppose we could consider this door open and see where it takes us.”
I recall even saying these words: “I don’t even know if I really get jealous.” This is HILARIOUS. Because I do. Ohhhh, I do.
