(NOTE: Inspired by a journal about past events, does NOT reflect the present.)
An epiphany I had while very sick, and attempting to boost my immune system by lying down on the grass and dirt in the middle of the backyard. Yes, all the neighbors were like “What the?”
To Girlfriend:
I see it now.
I see it clear as day.
I think Girl is acting like my friend because I am yours.
And that is the only reason.
And Girl is not even doing a good job.
I think the truth of it is:
Girl does not care if she hurts me.
Girl is more than willing to hurt me.
Girl is eager to hurt me.
I do not matter
because Girl wants what she wants,
and there is nothing more to expect from her
than this.
And the pain is holding what I think I know,
but seeing you want to give her everything,
wanting to spend a lifetime with her,
this girl who seemingly wishes
I did not exist.
Perhaps wishes
you were alone.
and I know it,
and she knows it,
and I feel like you know it, too.
That is why the Universe gave me perplexing feelings for her,
that is why the Universe draws me to her.
So I do not hate her.
So I do not despise her.
So I do not pluck her from our lives.
So I do not hurt her
the way she seems ready to hurt me.
