(NOTE: Inspired by a journal about past events, does NOT reflect the present.)
To Girlfriend,
What hurts the most.
It may be the realization I was wrong. I thought I was the special core of your world, an unshakeable center held and cherished. That storms could come, waves could rise and crash, winter could fall bitterly cold, fires could tear across the land, but in it all I would be unharmed. Protected. Sheltered. You would never let me burn to the ground. You would never tolerate my pain. Woe to anyone who tried to hurt me, they would have to deal with you.
So it shook me. It shook me when you found a new center and I was pushed out of orbit, left to find my own way. It shook me when I was standing before you, in pain, in heartbreak, in desperation, losing myself, heart bloody in my hands, and your eyes could not see me. You would not protect me, you protected her first. And now I feel you are willing to demolish me for Girl. To annihilate me for Girl. To sacrifice our entire life for Girl. I am not the princess I thought I was. And you are not the protector I thought you were.
What is crazy is you say you still love me, that you have not stopped loving me. You say you still want me in your life, you still want our life, but your words mean so little when I am wholly eclipsed by the blazing, intoxicating glory of what is new, of her. I find myself standing in shadow, alone, drifting through the darkness and freezing void of space, when I was so certain I was your sun. This does not feel like love.
You are capable of hurting me. You are capable of tossing me aside. You are capable of taking someone else and making them everything. You are capable of being so blind I could unravel right in front of you and you will do nothing. You are capable of watching me die to save Girl instead. I do not know if these things are true, but they FEEL true. And it sucks.
