(NOTE: Inspired by a journal about past events, does NOT reflect the present.)
To Girlfriend,
I have spent years pouring myself into this relationship, this life, trying to be desirable to you. Trying to convince you that you want this life with me, to create an environment beckoning you to be all in, for you to decide to draw your foot in from the door and close it.
So when you decided you needed non-monogamy and you needed to pursue possibilities with Girl, I wanted to give it to you. Because maybe, finally, if I could provide this, if I could show I could give you ultimate freedom, then maybe you’d finally stop feeling trapped, maybe you’d finally see my worth, maybe I would finally be enough.
But it was too big, too fast, too obsessive, too painful, and I found I could not do it. This all-consuming relationship you both called a friendship. So I asked for modification, I said I did not want to be around you two anymore, I said I no longer wanted her in our home, I said you could continue your so-called friendship, but not with me present.
And OHHHHhhhh, it seemed I asked too much. Because now she has distanced herself from you and you seem to be broken, you said you’ve lost your muse, you said you have no desire to do anything at all, yet cannot comprehend why your compulsive orbit around her hurt me. Cannot understand how your current despair and heartbreak is evidence that it was not just a friendship by any means.
I am done trying to make you happy, because it is an impossible task. I do not give a shit about keeping her, and I am done trying to keep you.
Love,
Angela
