(NOTE: Inspired by a journal about past events, does NOT reflect the present)
Girlfriend and Girl seem to be sending cake reels to each other. No one is sending cake reels to me, but that is fine. That is fine because we’ve been a bit lonely and could use some friends and company that is not us or our children.
NOTE: To help you understand how desperate we were for people… You know how when you are absolutely famished, like you spent two hours working out at the gym and it is already 4pm and you have not eaten since the night before because you are trying intermittent fasting cause some Instagram expert with abs suggested it, and your stomach is like “FEED ME OR YOU MIGHT DIE”? And then suddenly the egg salad sandwich at the gas station store is looking mighty fine? And you are like “Holy shit, I need that sandwich more than anything else in the whole wide world?” That is kinda how we felt, but with people. I could write pages about the many not-at-all-aligned-with-us people we attempted to befriend around this time, I may do that later. But you get it, right? We were starved for people. And external validation. Which usually comes from people.
To Girl,
You and Girlfriend are texting, which feels exciting, which feels like a small victory because there is a connection, there is interest. You are sending cake reels, laughing and talking, and it is fun, it is fun that you are paying attention to Girlfriend, because I think this means you are paying attention to US.
And it is okay you and I are not texting, we have a different sort of relationship, right? A more in-person relationship, which is why you seem rather uninterested in texting with me, yes? So you can text Girlfriend and maybe someday you’ll come over? Maybe someday you’ll be our real-life friend? Maybe someday you’ll be the third a trio of special connections, you’ll laugh with us, you’ll dance with us, you’ll watch movies with us, you’ll read books with us, you’ll hop in our car whenever we go anywhere, you’ll be our favorite friend that we kind of have a little crush on but mostly just enjoy being around. Doesn’t that sound FUN?
(NOTE TO PAST ANGELA: NOT FUN. It is not going to be fun, it is going to super suck. Isn’t it bizarre how excited you were at this time? Isn’t it crazy how much you craved her attention? Isn’t it cute how completely naive you were? You’re not going to even be able to look at cake reels for months because they’ll feel like little knives stabbing you in the intestines. You’ll be okay, though. You will forgive cake, because cake did not actually do anything to you. You will even start watching The Great British Bake Off, which features lots and lots of cake.)
