(NOTE: Written about an experience in the past, does NOT reflect the present.)
To Girlfriend.
It seems Girl is saying she feels about you the way you feel about her. I heard it because I had my ear pressed to the door when she rushed over to answer you.
She likes you too.
Duh, she likes you too.
I already knew she liked you too.
And now it is all out there and you are sky high, soaring with shooting stars, high-fiving the moon, and I am… What is the opposite of sky high? Oceans low? Deep seas low? I am deep seas low. The part of the sea where that creepy fish with the antennae flashlight lives. The Anglerfish. I am fucking floundering in the deep with the spooky-ass Anglerfish.
Can I believe in a feast of choices, that you will still choose me?
Can I believe in the midst of fresh infatuation, the sun beam of new romance, that you can see me at all?
Can I believe I can live without you?
Do I dare let you choose me every day?
Do I dare believe, without the rules and confines of monogamy and traditional relationships, that you will stay?
Can I relinquish all certainty where I feel most vulnerable?
How do I be okay?
How do I be okay?
What fresh hell is this?
Where my crush looks to be falling in love with the love of my life, and the love of my life is falling for my crush, where is there to go, where is there to hide, how do I fucking be okay?
There is nowhere to run.
So I sit here with my heart pounding me awake.
I sit here in my pitch black fears.
I sit here naked and terrified, cold and alone.
I sit here with no path forward except straight into the pain.
Just straight into the pain.
